You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
