Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Mom said you looked used
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
