I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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