so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you would pick up someone in the library
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
