last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she smelled like a LAN party
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
