i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
