Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
