I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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