omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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