CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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