i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
