so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
