Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
