we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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