i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
