Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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