I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Less talking, more tequila
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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