i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
