I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
A bitchslap is in order.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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