Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
In America we eat man semen.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
