I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
