You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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