I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
