nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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