he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize