he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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