so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
