He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
