I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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