im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
