But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
