She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
