all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
