I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
