i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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