finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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