did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He keeps bees of course he's weird
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
