you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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