I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
