I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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