I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
