if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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