So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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