3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
