She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
