I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
