The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
