I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
