My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
