I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
