Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
