You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
