I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
