he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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