If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I understand Curling. That high.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
