someone get that fucking seahorse.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
