I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize