we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
