She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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