We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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