dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
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I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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