I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
