omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
