I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
