I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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