dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
