i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
