We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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