brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
