I faked an abortion last night.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
