Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
