that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
