Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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