how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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