So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just sent this text using only my big toe
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
