Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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