Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
