You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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