I'm really into asian looking animals
I will die if light touches me.
i think i have two assholes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
