hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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