someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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