He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
