I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the liver wants what the liver wants
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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