I saw his package. It spoke to me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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