Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
